There’s No Book for This

Winter has finally turned into spring, and my relationship with VeryNiceMan continues to grow. I told CrabbyCancerMan’s parents that there was someone who had growing importance in my life, and they were happy for me. And then just the other day, CrabbyCancerMan’s sister sent VeryNiceMan a friend request on Facebook. VeryNiceMan showed me the notice.

“What are you going to do?” I asked.

“Of course, I’m going to accept it!”

I didn’t know how I felt until he told me his response. I realized that I was holding my breath. I didn’t realize I had been nervous about introducing him to my family-in-law. But when he said “of course,” I realized that I was genuinely looking forward to the occasion. As VeryNiceMan often reminds me “there’s no book for this.”

There’s no book to tell you when it is okay to talk about dating on Facebook, which is read by your friends, your family, your deceased love’s friends and family, as well as your new friends who have not yet met any of these people.

There’s no book to tell you when it is okay to introduce your new loved one to the children who were a part of your deceased love’s life.

There’s no word for the relationship between your new boyfriend and your deceased love’s family. In-laws Squared?

In one of my online grief support groups, another member asked if we thought it was possible to have a soul mate after your soul mate has died. I surprised myself with my own answer – rarely, do I feel so certain of an answer when asked a question. I responded “When you love someone, your souls become intertwined – your body has some of their soul, and some of your soul, and their body has the same, changing both of your souls forever. When that person dies, you still have some of their soul combined with yours, so your soul is new, allowing for you to have a soul mate that fits that different soul.” As I typed it, I found myself really believing it as a fundamental truth of my being.

Fortunately, there are books to tell you how to build your love again, but I feel like with this VeryNiceMan, it will be better for us to write our own together.

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