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Clearly, this has not been my favorite year.  In fact, 2011 can go suck on a lemon.  I’m not sorry to see it go, and if the door hits its ass on the way out, that’s fine by me.  And of course, that is the thing about time – it marches on.  The moment passes, and then it is over, and it can’t come back.  So I get my wish – so long, 2011, and we’ll never meet again.

The catch, of course, is that 2012 is not looking any better.  In fact, there’s a pretty good chance it is not going to be any better at all, at least in the early part of the year.  In fact, I am not looking forward to 2012.  In fact, I am a little scared of 2012.  In fact, I want to cling on to 2011’s pant leg and say “I’m sorry, please don’t go!”

“Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death.” – Omar Bradley

I don’t let myself have many moments where I really wallow in my feelings.  I don’t have enough time on any given day.  I let myself feel what I’m feeling, acknowledge it, fill myself with that feeling in the moment, and then move on.  It’s actually pretty zen, and much better for my blood pressure in general.  But this fear of 2012 – I just can’t shake it, not quite yet.  But time marches on, and ready or not, in four hours and nine minutes, the new year will be here.

So for the moment, I am acknowledging my fears.  I am noticing them, holding them up to the light like so many crystal figurines, appreciating them for what they are, and then putting them back on the shelf.  I am choosing to replace my fear with gratitude.  I am making a choice about how I feel, and choose to be grateful and to look at this past year with appreciation for the kindnesses and blessings of my life, and to look towards next year with the strength of that goodness in my life.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

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